today marks 3 years

It has been said many times, times heals all wounds. I cannot agree at all because the wound remains agonising even three years after.

Today is Tatay’s third year in heaven and I still miss him much, same feeling I had back in 2015 after that dreadful call informing me of Tatay’s passing. Every time I’d go back to that day, my heart skips a beat and I feel shutting down. I know life and death should not be questioned but when Tatay had to go abruptly I had too many questions then and there. How can someone so alive taken away just like that?

Tay, been really bad the past years without you. I look like happy and fine in social media sites but truth is I dunno how to be happy, I dunno how to get back on track despite all my struggles. I feel lost many times and my battles are becoming bigger and heavier every day. I wish you were here. I wish you were here to comfort Nanay in times she feels like no one cares. And I wish I am enough and everyone around would appreciate all the hard work I put in.

As we memorialise this day, I hope you’d continue to guide and protect our family. Please continue to pick me up every time I will fall like you used to when I was a kid. Every time I’d lose hope, send me little reminder that I should not be feeling I’m at the end of the rope. Make me fully understand why I have to be here and you have to be there. And, make me believe that after each rain there would be rainbow and sunshine to follow, in that order always.

Circa 2012, I miss laid-back days like this one Tay. 

Here’s to everything –here’s to you. I hope someday it would be a lot easier for me to write about you and never cries. I hope it would be easier for me to process pain and failure. Tay, thank you would always not enough for all the days you cared for me. I’ll always miss you and I’ll never ever forget you, ever. Until we meet again. ♥




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